Friday, September 23, 2011

I was thinking...

...about when I wrote these words: "I am a published writer, but in my estimation, not nearly enough as I should be". Well, today they seem arrogant. It is not that I think I'm such a wonderful gift to humanity that I deserve it all. NO! I am self-conscious about my work, myself. In truth, what I was trying to say to myself is "Get off your duff, Christina, and WRITE MORE!" I was thinking about missed opportunities. I was trying to motivate myself to become more, because I am not where I am supposed to be yet. Seems I need a mantra.

There is this innate feeling, calmly guiding me. I've always felt like Life is pulling me slowly in a certain direction. I think I will instinctively know when I have reached the point. I am not there yet. I must keep going, keep it together, keep WRITING.

I used to think everyone felt pulled by a life's path electricity, but I get blank looks when I try to explain myself. It's a winding road; not yellow brick, but invisible. It's just life, no need to panic, people. But I've always believed in energy, mysticism, signs. How could I stop now?

If you feel this way, too, then I hope you get to your Someday soon.

Look, I just feel this pull to create. I will not use perfect punctuation, nor school you or myself in grammar. When I try the hardest, it comes out all wrong. Sometimes I glide, often I sink, but one day, I hope to rise above. I don't float. I panic. Snap your fingers. Pull that black turtleneck over your head. I'm not going to make any sense today.

I was invited to read at The Kelly Writers House this upcoming Monday. Do you know how many amazing writers have read their work at The Kelly Writers House? People like Joyce Carol Oates, for example! I am honored, happy and very excited to be included in this event. Here is the link, if you are curious:
Since it is both a live show and a radio show, it will air the following Monday night on WXPN 88.5 FM at 8 pm.

So think happy thoughts for me & clap your hands loudly so I don't fade away ("Peter Pan" was always my favorite, fyi).

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

writers block will getcha every time!!

Some people think that writers block is a myth, but I assure you, it is the very real second cousin once removed of the brain fart. Symptoms (in my experience, anyway) include:

-Mild Depression
-Cluttered thoughts (can I Feng Shui my head?)
-The feeling like I forgot/am missing something

Will they invent a pill for writers block? Will they advertise it incessently on television, then quickly list all of its potentially fatal side effects at the end of said advertisement?

The thing I hate most is when you have no clue what you are going to attempt to write next. Then you go to a dinner party or something, and have people say: SOO what are you writing? And What are you gonna write next? And they're not really listening, anyhow. They just want to see me squirm a little, right? Because that's what writers do at dinner parties. We squirm. A little. And that's when I generally get my idea of what to write next, only I'm seemingly miles from a pad, or a pen, so I can't write anything even on my arm.

And wouldn't you know, by then I've forgotten my great idea! But the little quiches were just delicious! Thanks so much for having me!

I don't know anybody who is artistically inclined and does not have their bouts of frustration; of depression. Born this way, right? And then I just need to be alone, to refresh my mind. Something like hibernation. I come out the other side of the tunnel, eventually, with something to write about.

I listen to Tom Waits, because I feel like he would understand this.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

hello again

Would you believe I wrote a lengthy post that did not go through?? Curse technology, but it's probably for the best. Too revealing, maybe.

Oh wait, I see its still saved as a draft! The big reveal below!

Greetings & Salutations

Would you believe I stopped blogging because I forgot my password?? Or was it more than that...but really, did I think I could make it in my Written World without this type of therapy? That's what it is...the best type of therapy, the inward turned outward.

Did I ever share my favorite writing quote?

"If I do not write to empty my mind, I go mad"

-George Gordon Byron-

So true, and no one wants that!

This is the best possible elixer, isn't it? Typing whatever ails you away. I remember my college roommate said she loved to hear me typing at night. She said it sounded like rain tapping at the window. It's strange what you recollect all these years later...but I'm still the Same Me, right? The one who tapped at the window with her raindrops? This one is older, though...she's lost some people in her life. She doesn't get too close to friends, anymore, and that's both good and bad for her writing. She's more of an observer now. People don't hurt her the way they used to...but can she still feel pain like she used to? Actually feel her heart shatter into clay bits? Terrible, terrible.

Writing is the only true friend, though. I learned it in third grade, on my own, and it stayed with me. And the well-intentioned say, "Keep with it." And I say this to people, too. To mean what you say, with the best possible intentions. Truly this is the way to be. Kind.

I don't miss people much, anymore. It's a robotic struggle, because I know I'm supposed to. I'm a bit removed, but I started out with too much heart, anyway.

My other favorite quote?

"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible...and enjoying everything inbetween".

-Mia Farrow-

So a bit late on New Years Resolutions, but I do hope to write more. I would like to focus my efforts on something big. Dare I say the "B" word (Book!), the "N" word (Novel!) I won't tell you what I might write, then I will have gone ahead and ruined it for myself. Too ambitious...I've made that mistake before...talked myself right out of the writing!

Maybe that's the way for an artist to miss people. To reinvent and reimagine lives through the work. To gloss over what should have been glossed. To face what you couldn't properly face back then. But I am blessed for my experiences and I do know this. And I haven't changed so much, just time traveled. I'm still the same, typing and listening to Placebo while the rain makes contact with my window.

I think I'll stop in again sometime real soon.